studying the native language is very beneficial

In the last expat interview of 2013, we got a taste of Aaron's views about issues like the United States as a country not of destination but of origin, being a native English-speaker in a foreign country, and the importance of learning new languages. In January, then, Reka, a recent immigrant to the US, reacted to some of Aaron's statements, while adding her own experiences about the peculiar situation of being a Romanian-born Hungarian. This time I brought you Stan, an African American writer and professor, who lived in Japan for almost a decade and is now staying in Hungary with his Russian wife. Let us see how his experiences shape our expectations of what it means to live in a foreign culture.

Welcome, Stan. Thank you for accepting our invitation. Do you have any favorite tea? Iced tea, matcha, Russian caravan, or the Hungarian “daycare tea,” with a lot of sugar and lemon?  

Japanese matcha or a nice Earl Grey, thank you.

As I know, you have been an expat for quite a while. Could you give us a short summary about the main stations of your journey?

I left the States at 22 to be an English teacher in Japan, where I lived for 8 years. During that time I worked as a teacher, a manager, and a university teacher. During that time I was a short story science fiction writer and an editor as well. In Japan I met my wife and after some time, we decided to move to Europe and landed in Hungary. I’ve been here now for eight years and working again as a university teacher and writer.

US, Japan, Hungary -- very different places. I suppose, for each moving you had to pay a price. How did you cope with the fact that whenever you moved, you left a part of your life behind and started something very different?

To be honest, it wasn’t that big a deal for me. When I left the US, I was looking forward to the adventure of living abroad! As a young man, it was a great opportunity. And anyway, I always made sure to visit the States once or twice a year to see family and friends.

When we left Japan it was a bigger transition, and the reasons were different, but the fact was that, at least for me, the time had come to move on and start a new phase of my life. I wanted, specifically, to leave behind the life I led in Japan and build a new one with my wife and family.

You seem to have had certain expectations about both of your new homes (and lifestyles). How much did they prove to be right?

To be honest, since my expectation of Japan was "not the US", it pretty much fulfilled it! It was the different cultural experience I was looking for, without the social pressures I'd felt back home. For Hungary, this was different since I had visited it before and my wife had lived here before, so she had friends here and a support network of sorts. Hungary was much tougher than Japan in certain ways, but I think that's mostly because I now had a family to take care of, which increases one's apprehension. Once again, however, as I acclimated to Hungary, I found, as I said previously, that the place was easy to deal with. Except the red tape. There's so much of it., and it gets in the way of things at time.

Now let’s turn to the issue of communication. It is a general claim that native English speakers have certain privileges that others don’t. What is your opinion about it?

Absolutely true. In general, we’ve got a shot to “get along” wherever we go. However, that only goes so far. In both Japan and Hungary, I’ve found studying the native language in that country very beneficial to living well. In both places, my experiences were different from other expat Americans or Brits because I could speak a little. For example, in Hungary, I find dealing with authorities simply easier because I speak some small amount of Hungarian, whereas some compatriots of mine find, say, dealing with the tax office an absolute nightmare because they don’t. This isn’t to say I don’t have problems (I don’t have nearly enough Hungarian to, for example, try to complain about service in a restaurant!).

Talking about inequalities, have you ever felt underprivileged in our white-centric world?

Yes, frankly, but the ways are subtle and frankly odd, and very different than the racism I suffered back in the States. Also, when applying for jobs or other such things, for many “others” like myself, I always wonder, if I don’t get a job or opportunity, was I simply not good enough, or was I “too black”, and being so, got denied something I otherwise would have. Otherwise, the inequalities tend to be snarky comments and snide remarks just out of earshot. Though, once, I did have a skinhead hiss at me like a snake when he walked by me in Hungary. That was new.

Unfortunately, it is not hard to imagine. In your experience, which proved to be a bigger obstacle, language or culture?

Culture. Having lived now and worked in several countries, I can say that language can be dealt with, but culture is harder, since it’s one of those things you don’t really notice, like air, until something gets in it. People have different “basic” assumptions about how the world should work, and a lot of these are based on culture (both in terms of nationality and class; both affect what you “know”). For example, when I first met my wife, I other thought she was constantly angry at me, because she used to raise her voice a lot (a sign of aggression and anger in my culture). Turns out, in hers, it just means you are saying something that needs emphasis. Took me a LONG time to get that one.

Do you have any memorable or funny incident related to language or culture?

Many many many. Once, in Japan, I was at an ice cream shop, and the attendant asked me, in very polite Japanese, what I would like on my sundae. I told her that anything was okay, just not “unko.” I meant to say “anko”, which is a sweet red bean in Japan, but actually, I said a very bad word for, well, crap. The attendant laughed at me (not common in Japan!) and assured me that wasn’t going on my sundae.

Finally, what advice would you give to someone considering to live abroad?

Take your time to find a job before you go abroad, and what getting a place to live, basic utilities, and health care are like. There’s enough stress in living abroad, and you can’t assume things work that same way they did in your country.

For example, there are ATMs everywhere in Japan, but many of them stop working or are closed at around 6pm; 24-hour ATMs are very rare. Also, they don’t use debit cards, and barely use credit cards either; if you’re used to these conveniences, you’ll miss them dearly or make a mistake thinking you don’t need to bring cash with you! I’ve been at computer shops watching people buy expensive machines with large wads of cash.

Realistic and practical. Thanks a lot!