Last month we had a thought-provoking TEA (or palinka?) talk with Aaron, who spoke not only about his difficulties and privileges as a native (English) speaker but he also uncovered some motives that led him to leave a country that is still considered, by thousands of people every year, as the Promised Land. As a response to his interview, this month I invited Reka, whose journey seems to be going in the opposite direction. After being born and living decades in Central Europe, she left for the United States a couple of months ago. I asked her about how she sees her new country and what she thinks about national identity and about being a foreigner as a Romanian-born Hungarian living in America.
Welcome, Reka. Let me invite you for a virtual tea. How about
an English Breakfast? Is it breakfast
time over there?
Funny, but you’re right. The time
difference is nine hours. By the time you eat dinner, I will have my
breakfast. But a European one, more precisely a Hungarian one. I pretty much
like to take with me my eating habits as well. Ha-ha! And there’s always “Bende
kolbász” and ”Pirosarany” in our fridge... :D
Our last interviewee, Aaron, referred to the US (at least in the 90s) as the home of “irrational exuberance.” What is your experience about it, coming from a Central Eastern European country?
Well, first of all let me thank
Aaron: I’ve learnt a new expression today :-) Although my experience is only based on my few-month-stay in
Massachusetts in 2006-2007 as a student involved in a work and travel program
and these 3 months (hopefully many more to come) that I’ve already spent in
Arizona. I also have to specify, I think, that at this point what brought me
here wasn’t my love for this country, but for someone. Thus, as you might have
imagined till now, I am not very fond of the “American life.” Aaron is right
and I don’t really think too many things have changed here over the years.
Yes, if you want to build a business, if you want to work hard and get rich, if
you are interested in marketing, business, and consumerism, it’s the perfect
place for you. But after a while it feels disappointing, because pretty much
everything is about time and money.
It is also very interesting to note,
what I experienced on the East Coast is almost totally different from what I
experience here, on the West. In Massachusetts I was a little bit closer to
European-like cities -- small towns like the ones in Cape Cod, or the most
beautiful one, Boston -- where you are surrounded by old buildings, museums,
libraries, and so on. Phoenix (in the Western state of Arizona) is totally
different. First you have to get used to the climate, then to the architecture,
because most of the times, if you are a European, you cannot find the beauty of
the old, of the majestic, beautifully ornamented buildings you might expect. Instead,
you will find numerous shops, malls, gas stations, restaurants, all signs of
American consumerism. This made people different as well; they are more likely
to go to a concert or a game instead of a play; they would more likely to spare
their time on applauses, because they will not be able to leave the parking
garage fast enough; and they would more likely to have superficial conversations
with you, because as we know, time is money…
Sure. What a nice metaphor, right,
dear colleague? Talking about metaphors and our professional cooperation leads
me to the fact that we met in Budapest, Hungary. Would you consider your
research trips to Hungary as being in a foreign country?
This is a very difficult question.
Being a Hungarian, born and raised in Romania (more exactly Transylvania which
used to be part of Hungary before 1920), I consider myself Hungarian. But when
traveling or moving to Hungary, it was difficult to feel it my home at first. Not
having language difficulties, I still had the same obstacles that Aaron mentioned.
I had to learn the system. At home in Romania, if I had to go to the doctor or
to the post office, I had to talk in Romanian and I’ve learnt to do all these
in this language and according to that system. Of course, for me it was much easier:
I could instantly ask for a “szilvapálinka” at the little pub on Moszkva tér.
It is also strange for a Hungarian
coming from another country, and mostly from the surrounding areas, that he/she
is seen by many Hungarians as a foreigner. For some of the people, I was a
Romanian, although I was speaking as much or better Hungarian than they did. I
was a foreigner at the bank and I was a foreigner at the library, for some of
the neighbors and teachers. But then you just get used to it and little by
little learn everything that will make your life easier in the new country, you
will not be as homesick and will learn to love your new home. Because when
living in Budapest, I did actually end up feeling that the city became my
second home.
Good to hear that eventually it
worked out. But why take all that trouble of leaving?
I decided to leave my home town and
country for several reasons. When I first came to the U.S., it was because I
had this opportunity as a student to come and work for a summer and then spend
time to travel for a week before coming home. I wanted to experience the kind
of life which was not similar at all to what I’ve experienced before. I wanted
to see places that I thought I will never have the possibility to visit, like
Boston, New York, and Washington DC. It was the dream of a 20-year-old to come
and make some money that I can spend on my studies back home or just spend it
on myself; the dream to be independent, far from home, from parents, just
traveling with a backpack and wandering around big cities.
Then my studies brought me to
Budapest. It was much more serious than just having fun; I had to do some
research for my PhD. It was more likely that I will find help and part of the
books I planned to read than in my hometown. Also, it wasn’t too far, so I
could go home easier to teach and fulfill my other duties.
And now, well… I’m in Arizona
because of the matters of the heart. Ha-ha!
Well, that’s the best reason to leave for, isn’t it? Let
us then consider another issue of the heart. How
did you cope with the fact that whenever you moved, you left a part of your
life behind?
My first longer trip was a little
bit more difficult, because before that I’ve never been apart from my family
and friends for such a long time. I wasn’t really used to change like Aaron. We
always lived in the same town, same neighborhood, and same apartment. But I
think I coped pretty well. At the beginning it is inevitable to be homesick.
But in the age of the internet, social media, and Skype, I am able to be in
touch with everyone.
Sounds promising. So, all in all, how
do you feel as an expat?
Being an expat sometimes comes with
a negative connotation. But I can say that although I know and feel that I am a
stranger here, and although my hometown and first home will always be one of
the most important places for me, I am not a stranger in a negative way. And
more than ever here, in a country which is full of foreign people. Most
Americans are used to this and don’t make you feel bad about it; they are
actually helpful. And of course everyone surrounding me is trying to make me
feel at home.
Does it also mean that you manage to
communicate with the locals smoothly?
It is pretty easy for me to get
around and communicate with people, because I already know the language and
have been learning it since I was a fifth grader. But from time to time some
words or expressions come up that I don’t know and don’t understand. Language,
as well as culture, can be a barrier sometimes. I just recently watched a show
where Alexander Bródy said something extremely good related to this question.
He said you will never be able to say „takaros menyecske” in another language;
maybe you will say “nice, beautiful” but you will never be able to “go deep down”
and feel the subtle differences in a language that is not your mother tongue.
Can you think of a memorable experience of yours related to language
use?
Once
I had a funny experience when buying food. We were at a place where you can
make your own salad, telling them what to put in it. The place is usually
packed; you stand in a long line and enumerate everything you’d like to have on
your plate. For someone who still has to translate some words when thinking of
them, in my mind I knew that I’d like lettuce.
But when I had to say it one by one and pretty fast, I said salad, because in my mind I had “saláta.” I can’t even be blamed, because the two words are
similar. But the poor lady didn’t really understand why would I want salad in
or with my salad, as I am actually ordering a
salad...
Funny, indeed: salad with salad. Finally,
what advice would you give to someone considering living abroad?
I would advice them to go and enjoy
the experience. Try to learn the language as much as they can, to make friends
that speak the language and can help them with practicing it. Also, I would
advise them the same thing as Aaron said, to stay longer than just a couple of
month, because they will need time to adjust, to get pass the point where they
are lost, homesick and hate the new environment, the whole country if possible,
because after that they will be able to see the beauties of the place. I think
I got to be home in Budapest when I put down the map and could wander around
without getting lost, being able to admire everything that surrounded me.
I wish you the same in Phoenix.
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